Previously on Teen Wolf…
Aunt Kate is in town and the most awkward family dinner ever happened. Jackson
is still looking for the juice (he means steroids) and Derek needs Scott’s help
to find the Alpha.
Outside a video store (are there any of those left?) Jackson and
Lydia sit in the car arguing about which movie to rent because Jackson is NOT
watching The Notebook again. Cut to
Jackson wandering through the empty store yelling for someone to help him find The Notebook (whipped). He’s expecting
service because he’s Jackson but instead flickering lights and an ominous
silence greet him… oh and a dead body.
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| This cap perfectly sums up their relationship. |
While Lydia sits in the car taking selfies (because she’s pretty)
Jackson is attacked by an unseen foe that we can only assume is the Alpha. He’s
trapped underneath the fallen DVD shelves but instead of killing him the Alpha
takes a closer look at the scratch on the back of his neck, the one Derek left,
before taking off giving Lydia quite a fright on his way out.
Time for a Stilinski family moment – they’re sitting in the Cruiser
eating some curly-fries even though Stiles says the Sheriff isn’t allowed. The
Sheriff thinks that as long as he has a gun he can have curly-fries. Stiles insists
that getting rid of the contractions in a sentence does not make his argument
anymore legitimate and I think that there should be a whole show dedicated to
the Stilinski men’s conversations.
I’m not even going to mention Dylan’s mouth because it’s beyond my
comprehension. I mean who uses a straw like that? I swear to goodness Stiles,
your oral fixation will be the death of me.
A call comes over the radio – there’s been a murder (how many
curly-fries can you fit in your mouth please stop). They make their way to the
scene of the crime where Jackson feels the need to reassert his masculinity by
yelling at the Sheriff. Watching Stiles watch his dad being belittled by an
asswipe like Jackson is probably one of the most heart breaking things I have
ever seen – all the awards to Dylan’s expressions.
On the roof, Derek has taken Scott on another werewolf training
fieldtrip. They survey the damage from above and Scott asks a very pointed
question: if this isn’t standard practice then why is the Alpha killing? Derek
doesn’t have an answer but as they walk away the camera pans back (someone
budgeted for a crane) revealing a large red spiral on the roof. Dun dun dun!
Back at the Hale house there’s another round of the standard
Scott/Derek argument. Scott has a life – Derek says no. Scott has homework and
Derek replies: “Do you want to do homework or do you want to not die?” Scott
doesn’t understand why Derek can’t do it all himself but Scott is the one with
the connection to the Alpha so he’s the only one that can locate him. Then
Derek decides to teach Scott a lesson by breaking some of his bones – because
Derek has the social skills of a caveman. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so
heartbreaking, oh Derek.
The Argent abode: Kate is really sorry for outing Allison as
sexually active to her dad and to make it up she’s giving Allison her birthday
present early. It’s a pendant with a wolf on it – a family airloom – and if
Allison ever wants to know anything about the family she should look it up
because some mysteries are worth the effort.
At school balloons jump out of Allison’s locker – it’s her birthday
– she desperately tries to push them back in before anyone sees but Scott’s
Allison radar won’t let that happen. She explains to Scott that she doesn’t
want anyone to know about her birthday because she’s 17, a year older than her
classmates. Scott’s not phased, he figures she had to repeat a year because
they moved around so much. Allison is relieved; Scott is the first person to
guess correctly apparently everyone else assumes she had a baby. Scott
convinces Allison to skip School and avoid the judgment for the day, it’s her
birthday after all.
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| Actual Disney Princess Allison Argent |
Stiles is left alone without his partner in crime so he has no
choice but to bother innocent bystanders like Danny.
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| Danny questions his life choices. |
Stiles: Can I ask you a question?
Danny: No.
Stiles: Well I’m going to anyway. Did Lydia show up in your homeroom today?
Danny: No.
Stiles: Can I ask you another question?
Danny: Answers still no.
Stiles: Does anyone know what happened to her and Jackson last night?
Danny: He wouldn’t tell me.
Stiles: But he’s your best friend… one more question.
Danny: What?
Stiles: Do you find me attractive?
Danny doesn’t justify that with an answer and Stiles falls off his
seat. Poor Danny. Seriously I love Stiles – he’s my favourite – but he’s got to
be difficult to hang around (ADD sounds quirky until you have to live with it).
Jackson’s in the locker room, shirtless (DRINK FOR GRATUITOUS MAN
FLESH) – did I mention how much I love the locker room? Because I really really
love the Beacon Hills high boys locker room. He sees two glowing red dots
coming out of the steam and starts freaking out – wait it’s just a guy wearing
headphones in the shower. Jackson’s breathes a sigh of relief –
DEREK!
He’s just you know visiting the boys locker room at the high school
because that’s what you do. It’s so much more fun to threaten people when
they’re naked. Derek thinks Jackson saw something – Jackson insists he didn’t –
Derek believes him because his werepowers mean he can tell when someone is
lying. Before disappearing back into the
shadows Derek tells Jackson he should probably get the scratches on the back of
his neck looked at (he also does a bit of manhandling because you know how
Derek loves to manhandle the teenage boys).
Meanwhile, Scott and Allison are into the swing of their adventure –
driving through the woods. Allison totally soccer-moms Scott when she takes a
sharp corner. Scott earns back his masculinity later as they walk through the
woods and Allison almost falls. There’s kissing. It’s cute – even if it does
make me feel kind of ill – but it’s not really relevant to the narrative so
moving on.
Lydia lounges seductively on her bed in a sexy slip (let’s face it
though everything Lydia does is seductive or is that just me?). There’s a knock
at the door and her mom announces that there’s a Stiles here to see her.
Lydia: What the hell is a Stiles?
Stiles has never looked more uncomfortable than he does in Lydia’s
room and that’s saying something because Stiles generally looks like a fish out
of water in most situations. He just wants to make sure Lydia is okay. She’s
very okay – due in large part to whatever meds she is taking – she saw
something unexplainable and the only way she can deal with it is by zoning out.
The actual best part is when she touches Stiles knee and he basically creams
his pants.
When Stiles is about to leave he’s stopped by Lydia who asks him to
say with flirty eyes. Stiles thinks all his Christmas’s have come at once until
Lydia calls him Jackson and the magic bursts. This is something he’s going to
have to get used to because Lydia always chooses Jackson. After Lydia passes
out, Stiles checks her phone and finds something surprising. A video of the
Alpha!
Kate is heading to the Hale house for a visit even though Chris
explicitly said she wasn’t allowed to kill Derek. But this is a social call she’s
not going to kill him, she’s just going to say hello.
Inside the house Derek is working out and OH MY GOD I can’t think
about anything because abs and back and tattoo and sweat and I can’t even I
really can’t. DRINK FOR GRATUITOUS FUCKING MAN FLESH! Sorry, I’ll be back in a
minute it’s just really hard to recap this show when I keep getting distracted.
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| This is a thing that happened... still not over it. |
Anyway Kate and two Hunter Henchmen enter the house – Derek takes
out the Henchmen easily but Kate takes him down with Taser. She then proceeds
to taunt Derek in horrible ways – talking about how she cut his sister in half
and I want to be able to consider the horrible reality of this situation but
Hoechlin is shirtless, sweaty and writhing on the floor. This is really not the
time to give me important exposition.
Kate says that Derek grew up in all the right places (suggesting
that she knew him before) – she also says that she doesn’t know whether to kill
it or lick it cementing her crazy (the answer is always lick it, I mean him,
lick him and I promise I am going to stop objectifying Hoechlin’s body and
fetishizing Derek’s pain soon, I just need a minute).
Kate explains to Derek (while he continues to writhe on the floor
shirtless) that while the hunters did cut his sister in half, they didn’t kill
her. Derek doesn’t believe her because it wouldn’t be the first time she lied.
Kate is all kinds of bad touch but Derek is forced to acknowledge that she is
not lying. The Alpha killed his sister. Derek’s face is so broken it’s making
me feel bad for objectifying him (nice comment Teen Wolf). When Kate realizes that Derek doesn’t know who the
Alpha is, she tries to shoot him and Derek is forced to run through the woods
all shirtless and angsty (and Hoechlin should always be running because his
body in motion is possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen).
Right ignoring the fact that I am unable to control my hormones
let’s talk about the reality of the situation. In the first 3 episodes Derek is
the one that has it together – heck we are supposed to think he’s the big bad.
Even after we find out that it was not Derek that bit Scott he’s still the one
with all the power, he knows about werewolves and how to control himself. Then
Kate roles into town and everything changes. Derek becomes the victim – and
considering he’s not only a powerful mythical creature but also a large well
built man this is really amazing.
In this scene Derek is able to take the two men out easily but he
can’t touch Kate. Kate is clearly the one with the power in this relationship
and that dynamic is probably one of my favourite things Teen Wolf has ever done. The way that Kate interacts with Derek is
overtly sexual but not in a sexy way – this is clearly the bad kind of
touching. This is a woman abusing a man and that is incredibly powerful. Just
think about if those roles were reversed, that scene would be repulsive. While
I am well aware that the inherent power imbalance between the genders (both
physical and social) makes these interactions different there is still
something to said about the idea that a strong powerful man like Derek is
rendered helpless by a woman like Kate.
Meanwhile Stiles is trying to get onto Scott – he hasn’t figured out
that trying to contact Scott is a lost cause yet. He leaves a message about how
he’s going to kill Scott in ways he hasn’t even thought of yet. Ultimately he
decides to delete the video he found on Lydia’s phone. There is also another
Stilinski family moment and it’s adorable. The Sheriff is heading to the
parent-teacher interviews hoping to hear good news, Stiles thinks he should
re-evaluate his expectations.
The creepy vet is worried about Scott – he didn’t turn up for work.
The Sheriff comes to ask some questions. The security cameras picked up
something interesting. An animal and then a man! The creepy vet is his usual
evasive self, he says he doesn’t know anything when he clearly does.
Allison has had the perfect birthday thanks to Scott and if she
could she would spend the rest of the night with him (hint: she means sex
Scott). Unfortunately for Allison’s libido that is when Scott remembers the
parent-teacher conferences, which is he supposed to be at.
They use the parent-teacher conferences to do in depth character
introductions.
Jackson is a perfectionist and driven to the point of obsession
because he’s adopted.
Lydia is perfect, except her parents are fighting and she is barely
holding it together.
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| From now on Finnstock shall be known as Coach Cupcake |
Stiles first name is too hard to pronounce, the coach wants to be
called cupcake, Stiles mother died and the Sheriff really loved her. Also
Stiles wrote a detailed history of the male circumcision on his economics exam.
Mama McCall is embarrassed because Scott didn’t show. Mr Harris (the
ass) tries to suggest that it’s the lack of a male authority figure at home
that’s causing Scott’s problems. Melissa insists that they are better off
without him and I am inclined to agree with her.
Allison is probably going to rebel – the Argents aren’t worried,
they have a very close relationship with their daughter. The teacher delights
in saying that Allison skipped school today.
Allison and Scott arrive at the school just as everyone, including some
very pissed off parents, leaves. Papa Argent blames Mama McCall and they are
about to have it out when something happens to distract them.
There are screams coming from the parking lot, something is freaking
people out. Everyone panics and runs all over the place. It’s a race to see who
can find whatever it is that has everyone so scared. Allison is almost hit by a
car and the Sheriff actually is. A shot rings out, it was Papa Argent (with a
gun – HOT) he’s shot an actual mountain lion. Well that’s convenient.
The end.
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